By Ann Larson Ericson
I had some run-ins with my principal recently; he redirected me on three occasions.
The next day he said, “Aaron brought a can of soda pop into your room with his breakfast. You need to address that.”
The third day he said, “You weren’t at your assigned spot in the hall this morning. It’s important that the hallways are monitored.”
None of these was a major issue, and nothing was threatening my job. I wasn’t being yelled at, but I felt defensive, angry, and hurt.
I wanted to reply, “Hey, I wasn’t the last person in the lab” and “I already talked to Aaron about the pop” and “What about every single day when I am in the hall? You don’t say anything then! You don’t even know why I wasn’t in the hall!” But I’m a confident, secure adult with a great relationship with my principal, so I simply agreed to what he said. I didn’t react, but it got me thinking about students and how they react to me.
In his book Why Do They Act That Way?, brain researcher Dr. David Walsh discusses how adolescents often perceive that adults are shouting at them when they in fact are speaking in a normal tone of voice. Their defensiveness and sensitivity cause them to hear yelling and scolding when the adult is merely giving them a simple direction or redirection. They frequently overreact because they feel hurt. They feel their relationship has been damaged, and rather than talk about it, they lash out in frustration and anger.
How often is my first contact with a student a redirection?
How often do I tell a kid to pull up his pants or turn in her homework before I even say hello?
Is it any wonder some feel like I’m yelling at them and respond defensively or snap angrily at me? As I reflected on my feelings about the principal’s comments, I thought about how I can use those feelings to better understand students’ reactions. They respond to me exactly as I wanted to respond to him, but they lack adult perspectives and filters, so situations can quickly escalate. What if I started a conversation with a friendly greeting or a question about a basketball game before I bring up the sagging pants or the homework? If my first contact is positive and friendly, students are less likely to hear a redirection as yelling.
Building relationships is a fundamental component of the Developmental Designs philosophy, and a hugely important component in helping our adolescents on the path to successful adult relationships.
THOUGHTS???
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About Ann Larson Ericson
For more than eight years, I've been using the Developmental Designs approach in my classroom. I teach high school chemistry and physical science at Community of Peace Academy, a public charter school on the east side of St. Paul, Minnesota. Since 2011, I've also facilitated Developmental Designs summer workshops. Previously, I've taught science at urban and suburban schools, served as a director of gifted and talented education in a rural Wisconsin school district, and taught English in Shanghai, China. I hold a Bachelor of Arts from St. Olaf College and a Master of Arts from St. Catherine University. Contact me at [email protected]
The relationship piece is such an integral part of every interaction we have with our students. How wonderful it would be for our students and ourselves if we based every interaction on mutual understanding and positive relationships!
Posted by: Ann Ericson | 02/24/2014 at 07:02 AM
Ann, I think you are on to something! As an assistant principal in a middle school, I often had to deal with discipline. The reactions you talked about were exhibited when I tried to redirect behavior. Students immediately became defensive, and they believed that I was being 'unfair' if I called them on an action. I think we need to keep a CPR frame of mind when redirecting... smile, be positive, and make that personal connection first if possible.
Posted by: Barbara Forshag | 02/19/2014 at 08:39 PM